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06 April 2006 @ 12:53 pm
Queer by Choice  
What do you guys think of this website? Does anyone in this community feel that way?
 
 
 
trixie_the_lipstrixie_the_lips on April 6th, 2006 08:03 pm (UTC)
I dont agree with it. You cant choose who you are attracted to, just if you are out or not, THATS the choice.
Rachelkrazyhippie on April 6th, 2006 10:15 pm (UTC)
That may be true for you, but please don't try to tell everyone else how to define our own sexuality. You can't say what experiences others go through.
(no subject) - trixie_the_lips on April 6th, 2006 11:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 01:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thisismyname on April 7th, 2006 02:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 02:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - trixie_the_lips on April 7th, 2006 06:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 02:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - trixie_the_lips on April 7th, 2006 02:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 03:48 pm (UTC) (Expand)
iris___xiris___x on April 6th, 2006 08:30 pm (UTC)
can't say i agree with it...
can't really see how anyone can just 'choose' to be gay :S
but meh, whatever.
(Deleted comment)
Temple of Darwinian Materialism, Pope Aristotleconsortofvenus on April 6th, 2006 09:47 pm (UTC)
I don't disagree with you mostly but there seems to be people who while they don't have a chemical attraction to members of the same sex, they really don't mind being with them and aren't uncomfortable with it.
Another Crazy  NDNjezabel_pheonix on April 6th, 2006 09:01 pm (UTC)
You can't choose who you're attracted to more than you can choose your natural hair color. It's people and sites like this that fuel the homophobes' fires.
Rachelkrazyhippie on April 6th, 2006 10:16 pm (UTC)
I agree that blanket statements should NEVER be made that all queer folk choose their sexuality. But blanket statements should not be made the other way around either...you're denying an entire group of people their sexual identity and I don't think you can speak for them without having their experiences.
(no subject) - meanbot on April 7th, 2006 01:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
Just an evil, hating, miserable cretin :Psuper_elsbian on April 6th, 2006 09:12 pm (UTC)
I was thinking of holding my tongue, but the fact that people in this thread have already arrogantly decided to speak for other people's experiences means that I can't hold my tongue anymore. I did not choose, but I can't say for certain that no one else did either. Do we really want to base our claim for equal rights on whether or not we chose our sexuality? It's true that many homophobes based their assertion that GLB people do not deserve equal rights on the assumption that all GLB people chose their sexuality, but to automatically respond to this by saying that we DO deserve equal rights simply because we DIDN'T choose our sexuality isn't really very productive. Maybe you didn't choose your sexuality. Maybe I didn't choose my sexuality- that does NOT mean necessarily that there isn't someone out there who did.

We are trying to legitimize our claim for equal rights by basing our claim in bological concerns. This negates the myriad ways in which human sexuality manifests itself- including, quite possibly, the possibility that some people have chosen to be queer.

*braces for knee-jerk* accusations of internalized homophobia and "OMG shut up you're hurting the All-Encompassing Queer Cause!"
miriam englishmiriam_e on April 6th, 2006 09:37 pm (UTC)
:) You beat me to it.
I wasn't going to say it quite as strongly, but I've always been puzzled by people's desire to put other people in simplified boxes.

I have tried males, but found it left me cold. I would have liked to be able to choose. I don't see the problem with being genetically coded for queerness, or it being an an effect of the physical environment, or early upbringing, or later experiences, or simply being a choice thing.

It all contributes to diversity, and just as in an ecology, diversity makes us all stronger. Any monoculture risks stagnation and becomes susceptible to being destroyed when the environment changes. Diversity equates to resilience and brings the ability to change with altered circumstances. Diversity makes for a vibrant and alive culture and strengthens everybody.

I'd be the first to congratulate any who choose to be gay. They're the lucky ones. It sure would take a lot of the pain and self-recrimination out of it. :)
(no subject) - lunalelle on April 6th, 2006 09:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 6th, 2006 10:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 6th, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - trixie_the_lips on April 6th, 2006 11:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 01:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - poetryandtruths on April 7th, 2006 03:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 03:32 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - trixie_the_lips on April 7th, 2006 06:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 02:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - trixie_the_lips on April 7th, 2006 02:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 03:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Oh, I'm soooo oppressed . . . - meanbot on April 7th, 2006 01:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Oh, I'm soooo oppressed . . . - trixie_the_lips on April 7th, 2006 06:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Oh, I'm soooo oppressed . . . - meanbot on April 7th, 2006 03:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Oh, I'm soooo oppressed . . . - trixie_the_lips on April 7th, 2006 03:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - meanbot on April 7th, 2006 03:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
janiee on April 6th, 2006 09:20 pm (UTC)
I don't personally feel that way no, but i respect those that do. Queer by Choice, that's a statement. I personally feel it's in the DNA, and feel strongly that more and more information will come out about that. However, what I hate and loathe are those of us who have said If I had I choice I would not be this. That angers me. It saddens me, but I can't help but feel empathy even for the women and men who feel that way. I just wish they had self love in place of self hate.

Peace to any one who feels it's a choice, and more props to them for making that choice. But for me, being gay this is my soul, my body, my heart and my life and I wouldn't have it any other way even if I did have a choice.
Lunalellelunalelle on April 6th, 2006 09:52 pm (UTC)
Honestly, I do wish that I wasn't this way, not because I despise the so-called lifestyle (what the heck is that supposed to mean? no one lives the same way) or even myself some of the time, but because it would make my stressful life less complicated. It wouldn't collide with most of my past thoughts, it would mean that I could marry with the permission of the church, it would mean that all my default pronouns could stay as they were. As the song goes, "It must be great to be straight." The entire foundation of my past assumptions simply crumbled.
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 6th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - janiee on April 6th, 2006 10:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lunalelle on April 6th, 2006 11:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - janiee on April 6th, 2006 11:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - consortofvenus on April 6th, 2006 10:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - janiee on April 6th, 2006 11:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - neknekrl on April 9th, 2006 06:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
Temple of Darwinian Materialism, Pope Aristotle: Meconsortofvenus on April 6th, 2006 09:53 pm (UTC)
I have tried to bring up the choice thing (though mine isn't by choice). It's always responded that you can convince yourself psychologically you're anything you want but you can't change yourself (something like mind over matter? I don't know). There was a female tennis player who came out as a lesbian saying it was a choice and the rounds started firing from some gay guys that I hang out with.

I don't know the answer.
Temple of Darwinian Materialism, Pope Aristotle: Meconsortofvenus on April 6th, 2006 09:58 pm (UTC)
I forgot to say. While I'm open to the idea, the negative effects of gay "fix" or supression therapy shows a great deal that it's probably not possible.
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 6th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - trixie_the_lips on April 6th, 2006 11:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 01:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - trixie_the_lips on April 7th, 2006 02:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 05:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - consortofvenus on April 7th, 2006 12:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 01:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - poetryandtruths on April 7th, 2006 03:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 03:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cueeties_janara on April 7th, 2006 03:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cueeties_janara on April 7th, 2006 03:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - krazyhippie on April 7th, 2006 05:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - cueeties_janara on April 7th, 2006 10:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - concrete_fem on April 12th, 2006 04:51 am (UTC) (Expand)
adalen on April 7th, 2006 05:46 am (UTC)
Well, life has no rules or guidelines, plain and simple. Do who the fuck ya want and live as happily as you can in the process. :P
wyndsungwyndsung on April 7th, 2006 09:46 pm (UTC)
I don't personally feel that way, no.

I personally believe that the people who are Queer by Choice are most likely more bisexual or fluid in their sexuality, and have chosen to pursue the queer side of it, for whatever reason (they do list several that sound plausible on the site).

I believe this because I know many gays who simple *couldn't* chose to be heterosexual. Well, yes, by actions they could force themselves to be with a member(s) of the opposite sex, but it would feel completely unnatural to them, so I would still consider them gay. I also know heterosexuals who equally *couldn't* chose to be gay, because they also have no interest whatsoever in the same sex romantically or sexually.

I think those who feel they can chose probably just don't have turn-offs built into them by one gender. I do - I know I love snuggling with guys, and loving them platonically, and I still think they're hot and attractive, but actually being in a relationship with one - the idea just turns me off.

In a way, sexuality is as much (if not MORE so) about who turns you off than who turns you on - and the people who can chose don't have those turn-offs, or at least, not very strong ones, so they can overcome them with (mostly) comfort.

On a side note, I think krazyhippie is going waaay overboard with her defensive remarks... that kind of nastiness does not need to be here, where we are calmly stating our opinions. I hope no one takes major offense to anything *I* said here, because I tried to explain it to the best of my understanding, and therefore belief.
theanimal8074theanimal8074 on April 8th, 2006 07:54 am (UTC)
...
To-may-toe. To-mah-toe. Look, I personally didn't "choose" to be gay, and I don't really care who did and who didn't, that's their perogative. If they're "Queer By Choice", I'll assume they have a good reason to be and leave it at that. I'm not going to understand, and maybe I'm not meant to.
I believe you're *born* gay (or not) and you *choose* to live a gay lifestyle (or not). Are my beliefs correct? Who cares? But they're mine to have, just as anyone else's belief is their's. Instead of trying to psychoanalyze each other, why don't we try, I don't know, respecting each other? After all, we're all we got.
theanimal8074theanimal8074 on April 8th, 2006 08:08 am (UTC)
Re: ...
On a side note (and somewhat off-topic),...I don't think the word 'tomato' has an 'e' in it, actually... Oh, well. :/
Re: ... - poetryandtruths on April 8th, 2006 08:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: ... - theanimal8074 on April 8th, 2006 08:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
theanimal8074theanimal8074 on April 8th, 2006 07:57 am (UTC)
Oh, honey. I think you've opened a can of worms with this one. ;)
miss muneca: hennapoetryandtruths on April 8th, 2006 08:01 am (UTC)
yeah me too!
Although, I suppose I understand the negative reactions to this post from both sides, and I'm hoping eventually people will try to understand where the other person is coming from, even if they choose to disagree with the other person.

I like the responses though. Why is it so hard for people who feel they are because of their genetics to accept that someone else might have choosen to be gay? It was definitely hard for me when I first encountered the website...
(no subject) - theanimal8074 on April 8th, 2006 08:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - poetryandtruths on April 8th, 2006 08:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - theanimal8074 on April 8th, 2006 08:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - poetryandtruths on April 8th, 2006 08:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - theanimal8074 on April 8th, 2006 08:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
xresistancexxresistancex on April 8th, 2006 11:03 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I think it's a choice. *awaits the bashing* It's a frame-of-mind thing, and we all choose how we think...
bluefalconchickbluefalconchick on April 10th, 2006 07:50 pm (UTC)
I can't say I chose it. It's just the way I am and always was. That's all I can say about it. It's just me-maybe it chose me instead?